She will be loved
Sunday, Apr. 06, 2003
6-20-94 (Jordan)
Weekends are always a good time for ruminating on the past. Here's another one about Jordan, one of Kelly's exes. He was around 24 when we were 17. When we first met him, I had a bit of a crush on him. He was a dork, which is generally endearing. I was shocked when he and Kelly hooked up and then began dating, he was definitely not her type. I lost interest in him after that, not out of loyalty to my friend, but because him dating her made him appear really sleazy in my eyes. I thought he was different than the guys we usually hung out with, but no, I realized guys were all the same, all after one thing. Anyway, she, of course, treated him like shit and supposedly he began to fall in love with me. We still hung out with him after they broke up, she'd fuck him occasionally so that he'd keep supplying us with pot and alcohol. We got into a lot of awkward situations, nothing ever came of them but I'll always remember the intensity fondly. I've always regretted not taking advantage of this relationship.
6/20 Monday, 3:04 AM
Ugh! In two hours, my mom and I are leaving for Winona State for pre-registration and placement exams. We'll be staying in dorms [and] they'll be all these introduction seminars. I don't think we'll meet our roommate, but I think that I'll get her name and address. I hope that we like each other. I hope that she's not a rich bitch that will be disgusted when she sees me. I hope that there will be a lot cute boys and a lot of ugly girls. Gee, doesn't that sound nice? But it will have to be true cause there are a lot more girls than guys at that school, so the only way that I'll have a chance is if most of the girls are ugly. I really hope that everything works out, I hope that I like college. I've said I hope a lot, I hope that the I hope's come true. I was talking to Lucy last tonight and she was telling me about this Ziggy comic that she saw that says,
I like that saying, it's true. Right now I'm not enjoying here very much, thanks partly to Jordan. Kelly and I had made plans to go out last night and when I called her, she said that Jordan was over, that she was gonna go over to his place for awhile and then she would come over and we would walk to Denny's. Well he drove to my house she said that he would drive us to Denny's and we got into a big argument and finally I said fine. When I got into his car, I said "hi" and he said hi back but he was acting very cold to me, so Kelly got pissed at him and made us shake hands, he held my hand for awhile and was caressing the area between my thumb and forefinger w/his thumb. But wait, it gets wierder -I feel like I'm telling a story-. He stopped to get beer and Kelly had to go to the bathroom so we went into this bar to wait for her. I was sitting at a table and he came over to me w/this wierd smile on his face, this was the conversation:
M: "Hi"
J: Hi
M: Why are you smiling like that?
J: Cause I'm crazy.
M: Why are you crazy?
J: It would take too long to explain.
M: I'm sure that Kelly has something to do w/it.
J: Yeah, she does, and so do you.
M: Me? What do I have to do w/it?
J: You and I don't get along.
M: Are you talking about the other night?
J: No, we never have.
And then Kelly came out of the bathroom and he drove us to Denny's. When we got there, Kelly had to finish the beer that Jordan gave her, so we all stood outside the car while Kelly drank. The whole time we were standing there, about 3-5 minutes, he was staring at me. He scares the fuck out of me. I don't know what I should do about it, I really need to talk to someone who can give me some advice. I don't know why the fuck he feels this way about me, I never did anything to provoke it. I know that he's interested in me, but there's nothing I can do about it, there's no way that I can ever like someone who scares the hell out of me.
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: Crosby Stills & Nash - Suite Judy Blue Eyes
Drinking: water
Wearing: