She will be loved
Saturday, Mar. 08, 2003
11-19-96 (Japan)
November 19, 1996
12:55 AM
I just got back from a night walk. I started to go down some paths in the woods, but then I got scared of the bears -lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my!-so I walked back to the dorm. I layed in the grass for awhile and stared at the stars. It's a really clear night. I don't think that I have ever seen so many stars in my life before. Right now I'm sitting out on my balcony, where's it's safer, although just as cold. I felt the need for a solitary experience. Although this isn't quite what I had in mind. The vending machines in front of the Banana Fish [campus bar] and Cycling Terminal are right in front of me, I can hear someone's TV -isn't this supposed to be the quiet house?- and occasionally -although not as occasionally as I would like- I can hear some guy open his window and spit extremely loud. Oh, how I cherish the sound of other phlegm! Maybe I should go into my room, it's solitary there too. Now I'm in my room, but it's not quite the same. Writing outside seems deep, writing inside seems superficial. Okay, I turned off the big light, lit incense, and put in some Dinosaur Jr., let's hope this will change things. Tonight, I watched the Big Chill and Gas, Food, Lodging. Both are about meaningful emotional experiences. That's what I feel I need. I thought that's what being in Japan would be like, one big meaningful emotional experience. But I feel really dead inside. I feel like tapping Adrian on the shoulder and saying, "Hey, can you show me a meaningful emotional experience?" Because I remember the first time I met him, I was in his little computer room w/him, Sarah, and Cindy, and he was telling us about how he had all these odd experiences here. Like w/ghosts and spirits and things like that. And these experiences really changed the way he viewed things. So my first impression of him was that he was a really deep person. And I just feel that if there is anyone here that could show me something meaningful, it's Adrian. But it's not like I can ask him, I don't know him well enough for that. And he's leaving campus next quarter, so I don't think I will have my chance. I guessI will have to keep searching on my own. This sucks.
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: Smoking Popes - Star Struck One
Drinking: diet pepsi twist
Wearing: