She will be loved
Monday, Jan. 13, 2003
1-10-98 (Dave A)
A journal entry from the past...
January 10, 1998 Sunday 5 PM
Yet another entry about infatuation from afar...
Is it insane to even consider that Dave would be as interested in me as I am in him? Well maybe AS interested would be a miracle, but is it insane to imagine that he has feelings for me? Me, a fat hairy loser who has nothing better to do but stare at the back of his head. Yeah, I think it is insane, get me a straitjacket and reserve me a cell in the ward. But unless he knows how obsessed I am w/him, which I don't see how he could, why does he look at me so much? Why did he approach me so many times during the stratification game? It seems like we have some sort of connection, I just don't understand where it's coming from. I don't think it's so wrong to hope that he's interested in me and to enjoy imagining that it's true. Isn't it about time something like this happened to me? Don't I deserve it after all these years? I'll be 22 yrs old in 5 weeks for God's sake! Could it finally be my turn? Could this lead to something perfect and true? I just wish I knew something more about him, he could be married or engaged for all I know. I hope not! I wish that I was normal enough to be in his situation... I wonder what life would be like to be the kind of person that people are attracted to. Must be nice. But he's pretty ordinary, at least by appearance, he probably doesn't think that he's the object of anyone's infatuations. But even to be ordinary must be nice. Oh, I really need something like this in my life right now. I need something to go right. I need to be in love, or else I'll give up hope. Of course, it was about this time two years ago that I was saying all these things about Troy and my wishes never came true, do I really need to risk all my emotions all over again? But finding love and affection and intimacy is one of the biggest needs in my life, if I give up hope, I should just die.
Very little has changed in five years. Pretty fucking sad.
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: mp3 playlist/The White Stripes/Fell in Love With a Girl
Drinking:
Wearing: