She will be loved
Sunday, Jan. 12, 2003
social attempts
I have to keep an eye on the clock, I wouldn't want to miss High School Reunion. I tape it while I watch it and then watch it later again with Kelly. She'll be over tonight to watch it and Oz, which we tape and she will then watch again with her boyfriend. Is it silly that we watch these shows twice?I've been making an effort to be more social lately. Well, in general I'm not too anti-social, I'm only alone about 2 nights a week. But as my mom always says, you're never going to meet anyone if you don't leave your apartment.
Last Friday, Gwen and I played pool at an italian restaurant in our town. It was cool, all the times I've been to this restaurant, I never knew the pool room existed. We were pretty much the only ones there not straight from the ghetto, so no one really talked to us. But we drank and had a good time anyway. And it was so nice to actually do something.
Last Saturday, my sister and I went to a party at our *connection's* house. It was cool, even though everyone was at least 10, if not 20 or 30, years older than me. At first it was awkward, but I got more comfortable after awhile. Cheap champagne and drunk middle-aged men helped.
Thursday, I got invited to a happy hour after work. I went with 4 people that I didn't know very well, 2 guys and 2 girls. Luka was debating whether to go, but decided not to at the last minute. He's my social crutch so I didn't think I'd be able to handle my anxiety without him there, but it ended up great. Actually, it's a good thing that he didn't go because I got really drunk and talked about him and my broken heart all night. Everyone was cool and listened to my pain, and even though I didn't know them that well, I feel that I can trust them. And if not, oh well. When I get drunk, I start to feel like everyone is my best friend and pour my heart out. They all advised me to get over him, that I can do much better. I've yet to see any evidence of that in my life, but I appreciated the sentiment.
I got drunker that night than I've been in a long long time. It was great. I think I had four rum and diet cokes and 4 shots of jagermiester (sp?). That's the first time I've drank jager but I've heard plenty of stories about it over the years. I always assumed it was really harsh but it went down like licorice. I can see why it gets people so fucked up. I got sick in the bathroom, but I kept on drinking like a trooper. It was a great night and it was nice to feel closer to coworkers without my crutch around.
Maybe my social anxiety is conquerable. Nah.
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: Linkin Park/Hybrid Theory/song 2, don't know the title
Drinking:
Wearing: