She will be loved
Sunday, Aug. 25, 2002
avoidance
I have a confession to make, I've been sabatoging myself financially. I've been letting the bills pile. There's a stack of them on the table next to my front door. I set them there when I come in and then just not think about them again. Like somehow, if I don't open or acknowledge them, they won't be due. It's probably been over two months since I've paid any bill but credit card, rent, and Cobra. I should glad I still have any utilities. There's also bills for my two hospital excursions that I had this summer. This could be very painful.I just haven't been able to handle any kind of responsibility this summer. I'm always depressed, but it's like the suddenness of my job loss sent me into a depressive shock. My antidepressants keep me from getting me from getting emotional, but I wonder if that just causes the pain to seep into other areas. So I ignore people, I ignore bills, I ignore litter boxes, I binge, I smoke pot constantly, I live surrounded by garbage, and I let my sink, stove, and small countertop overflow with dirty funky dishes.
I can't get it together.
So now I'm about to peer into the pile. I deserve whatever damage there is.
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: Todd Rundgren/The Very Best of.../Bang the Drum All Day
Drinking:
Wearing: