She will be loved
Sunday, Feb. 08, 2004
about, version 2
This is an update of my about page. You can see the old one here
sex and sexuality
Well, I'm a girl, but in no way am I a girly girl. I don't wear a lot of makeup, usually just blush, and I'm far from high maintenance. I get along better with guys than girls, but it's hard to maintain those friendships after awhile because I don't want them to think I'm in love with them, because I usually am.
Not only am I a virgin, but I can barely say that I've been kissed. The one "kiss" I did have, almost 15 years ago now, was quick and not really wanted by either of us. Our friend said, "I want you guys to kiss," then pushed us together.
So... virginity, what can I say? It sucks. Until I was about 18, I thought of myself as a virgin by choice. I never took advantage of the opportunities I had because I felt I wasn�t ready or that it was the right time. After that, I thought of myself as a virgin due to lack of opportunities. I thought that given the chance, I�d jump on it, so to speak. But through college and my mid-twenties, there were no opportunities.
Now I don�t know what to think, what to blame. Over Christmas I had an opportunity, at least to kiss the guy, but I passed. I intend to write about this experience at some point, I need to get it down, but I prefer to keep it buried below the surface for now. I�m not sure I want to deal with the issues that came along with it. Sorry for the vagueness, I�ll spill the story at some point.
changing lifestyle
I�m fat and have had to come to terms with one disease, that I know of, that has resulted from that, diabetes. My having diabetes makes me crazy. Sure I�m fat, but to get that diagnosis at 25 years old, you�d think I was humungous and totally inactive. My highest weight was in the 260s (currently, it�s generally in the 230s), and I know there are people my age and older that weigh like 100 pounds more than that who don�t receive the same diagnosis. But it�s all about family history and body type. You can read more of my diabetes story here.
While I�m not a yoyo dieter, I am a yoyo exerciser. I�ll exercise almost every day for months, then not at all for months, then almost every day again. I don�t think it�s that I get burned out or anything, it�s just that once I go more than a couple of days without doing anything, it�s so hard to get back in the habit again.
Right now I�m in the habit and I plan to stick with it. I really want to change the way I eat, too. I can see the changes in my body from the regular exercise and I�m trying to use that as motivation to change my eating habits. Right now my main struggle is just to control my binging.
As part of my motivation, I�d like this to become primarily a "weight loss diary." If that�s what you came here to read, start here.
work
I'm a senior analyst (I've been told I'll be promoted to project lead in April, 2004) for a healthcare research company. Of course, there are aspects I don't like about my job, but for the most part, it's ideal for me. I get to work with data and details and I don�t have to interact with other people too much.
music
I love most kinds of music, although not a big fan of rap, country, or instrumentals. My favorite band is XTC. Lately, I�ve also been digging Maroon 5, Todd Rundgren, and Fountains of Wayne (although I�ve been a fan of their�s and bought all their CDs since the mid �90�s, I�m really into them right now).
tv
I love shows that make me feel better about my life, so I like to watch Cops and the various tv court shows (Judge Judy, Judge Mathis, Texas Justice, Judge Joe Brown -- exception, Moral Court, I can�t stand that guy.).
I like a lot of home interior shows, like Trading Spaces, Mission Organization, and my absolute favorite, Clean Sweep.
My other favorites: Fear Factor (started watching for the first time this summer and was amazed to really enjoy it), Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Less Than Perfect, Law and Order SVU, The OC, Will and Grace, Scrubs (I�m so pissed that NBC has moved it to Tuesdays opposite Less Than Perfect, but my loyalty lies with Less Than Perfect, so I�ll only be seeing Scrubs when the other is in reruns), ER, Boston Public (especially since an old friend of mine from high school is occasionally a guest star), MadTV, SNL, Unsolved Mysteries, Law and Order CI, Sopranos, Sex and the City, 6 Feet Under, House Hunters, Cribs, and I�m sure there are others I�m not thinking of. Yeah, I watch a lot of TV, got a problem with that? Too damn bad for you.
drugs and alcohol
There�s a long history of alcoholism in my family, so I try to avoid that habit. I drink socially, but I never want to be someone who drinks alone.
My addiction is pot. I love it. I�ve grown too dependent on it, smoking it everyday. So I�ve stopped for now. I�ve been MJ free for about 3 weeks. I know that�s not very long, but for someone like me, it�s fantastic. And since I have no connections here in PA, I�ll only be smoking when I go home to Chicago. I don�t necessarily want to quit, I don�t really see it as a bad thing in itself, but I don�t want it to be my crutch anymore.
pets
My boys:
Beavis
Hucklebaby
abode
I rent a very expensive one bedroom apartment in a suburb of Philadelphia. It�s very close to work and has a lot of amenities that almost make it worth the price, but I often wonder what I�ve gotten myself into when I signed the lease.
car
I got my license in October of 2003, at the age of 27. Why did I wait so long? Well, there are a lot of theories, but it all boils down to me being a procrastinator, big time. I got my car in November, it�s a Subaru Forester and I absolutely love it. Now I wish I had started driving 11 years ago, the confidence and freedom it instills in me is awesome.
Even dirty, I think my car is beautiful.
Anything else you want to know that I haven�t written in this or the other about page, let me know.
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: E! True Hollywood Story - Marky Mark
Drinking: twist
Wearing: green bra, light gray underwear, white socks