She will be loved
Tuesday, Feb. 25, 2003
alone
I feel like such a fool. I'm so needy for friendship here that I will do whatever he asks me to. Because if he doesn't like me, then I am totally alone. I want to tell him to go fuck himself, that he's a bad friend and a shitty coworker. But no, I keep it in and let the resentment build. I isolate myself further and further every day.But I don't want to completely fuck up whatever our relationship is because I need a good reference from him for my job search. I hate that I have to think about these things. Why can't I do what's needed for my emotional health and stay as far away from him as possible?
Why do I have to be an adult and think about career implications?
I want it to be over. I want to go to a new place and get another fresh start. It doesn't seem like that is ever going to happen, I'll never find a decent job. I suck, no one is going to want to hire me.
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: his radio
Drinking: water
Wearing: