She will be loved
Sunday, Feb. 16, 2003
4-3-94 (Kelly)
I'm nursing a mild hangover right now, so in lieu of an entry involving thought, here's another entry from the past.This was an assignment for my journal writing class, to explore my relationship with any member of the same sex. It was assigned at the same time as the entry about Bill. I'll probably post the third part of this assignment, to explore a relationship with a family member, at some point.
The cutey picture below is Kelly, me, and a friend of our's at our preschool graduation.
April 3, 1994
B) Any person of the same sex
I have known Kelly ____ forever, but we haven't always been friends. In pre-school, our parents would try to get us to play together because we lived in the same neighborhood. But I don't think that we liked each other too much. In kindergartern, at my birthday party, she won a black stallion coloring book in a party game. I had a hissy fit, I wanted that book so bad, and it was my party. That deepened my dislike of her. But in 4th grade, we became friends again, through other friends. We weren't close, but we had no hard feelings towards each other. In 5th grade, we had more friends in common and we would walk home from school together. In 6th grade, we would also walk home together. I remember in 5th and 6th grade, I was always jealous of her, her life seemed perfect and I thought she was perfect. She was skinny and had pale red hair. She always dressed pretty nice and I always wanted to emulate her. But in 7th grade, I'm not sure why, we didn't like each other too much. But in 8th grade, I began eating lunch w/her group of friends and we instantly became close again. We began spending a lot of time together on the weekends and I almost always went to her house after-school. In high school, Kelly didn't come to school very much. She never found it worthwhile to come to school. She thought that education was preparation for the future and she believed in living in the minute. She thought that she could die tomorrow so why worry about the day after. I don't agree w/that attitude. Sophomore year, her parents sent her to Riveredge partly because she didn't go to school and also because of her behavior and the people that she was hanging w/. This was at the time that I was having all my problems and was suicidal. I communicated this to her in a letter. She wrote me back and told me how much she loved me. She said that although it may not seem like too many people cared about me, she did and she would always be there for me. This kept me from killing myself, I knew that I wasn't all alone in the world. I consider her the one reason that I am here today. The bad thing about her is that she never considers that consequences of what she does. In her philosophy, consequences don't matter. That way of thinking clashes w/mine a lot because I hate doing things where there is the slightest chance I'll get in trouble. We get in fights a lot about that. That is the major thing that we fight about. I think I can improve the relationship by being a little less concerned w/the consequences about things. I think that we would [get] along a lot better if I was more relaxed and less tense. But I love Kelly and she is one of the most important people in my life.
A year after I wrote this, Kelly had her daughter and was really forced to deal with the consequences of her actions. She got her GED and went to a community college for a few years. Despite this, she still has a lot of issues with the education system and I fear that she is impressing these on her daughter. I worry about that kid.
I let her read this entry last week and she was very touched, but pissed that I didn't explore our relationship for as many pages as I did with Bill or with my dad.
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: Alan Parsons Project - Eye in the Sky
Drinking: diet pepsi twist
Wearing: