She will be loved
Monday, Aug. 05, 2002
Anxious blabbering
Woohoo. I got a review and it was pretty good. Yay me! I'll write more on it later, right now job stuff is on the mind.I'm teetering on the edge of insanity about the health care company. They called today to see if it was okay to check my references. When I filled out my application for this company in June, it was for the other position and I was still working at my last job. Two of my references, Kelly and Kali, were from my last job and there was a question on the application something like, "May we check your references with your current employer?" I thought that question was a bit unclear. Of course if I'm giving all their info you can check them, so I wasn't sure if it was asking if they could call my boss. That I didn't want them to do. I didn't want to take any chances, so I put no on the application. So they called to see if it was okay to call Kelly and Kali. They didn't need to ask anyway since they know that I'm not employed anymore.
But anyway. I tried to get in touch with Kelly but she's on vacation this week, thank god. I was worried that she might give a mixed up answer about why I left the company that would make me seem shifty.
Because the way that I left the company was shifty. I was getting more and more frustrated with Ros, my supervisor, and it was really beginning to affect my emotional health. I was in tears almost everyday. I hadn't gotten along with Ros since the very beginning, but I was reaching my breaking point. Then one day, our boss called the two of us in, it seemed that Ros was having a lot of problems with my work. She never told me any of these problems, isn't that what supervisors are supposed to do? Some of these problems were totally unfounded, others had logical explanations. Everytime I tried to defend myself to Debbie, our boss, she said she had to take Ros' word because Ros had worked there for 12 years and she trusted her. I maintained my cool during that meeting but totally lost it afterwards, fortunately it was at the end of the day. The next day, I turned in my resignation, two weeks notice. Debbie said, "no, please stay, I don't want to accept this." She convinced me to stay until I found a new job. The next day she called me in, said she changed her mind, and wanted me to leave at the end of the day. I was given two weeks pay and promised that any claims I made, like unemployment, which you normally can't receive if you quit your job, would not be contested. So when people ask me why I left my job, I say I was laid off. It's a lie, but I don't think anyone would want to hire me if I told them the whole story. I cut out a lot of details to make that long story short, but hopefully it gives you a little insight into my present situation.
Kelly is Ros' assistant (who feels great animosity toward her), so they would have asked her fairly detailed questions, I'm sure. We got along well, she would have said good things, but she'd probably say the wrong thing about why I left the job. So fortunately I didn't have to worry about her. Kali, the research department secretary, said that when the company called her, they didn't ask too many questions. Once they found out that the two of us didn't work directly together, all the person wanted to know was if I was well-liked. And hopefully my 3rd reference, my old boss Patti, had good things to say. I know I should call her to check, but my phone anxiety is pretty bad right now. My sister seems to think that not talking to Patti is going to make or break me in terms of this job, I hope not. She really pisses me off, she's only making my stress worse. She's not going to make me do something I don't want to do, however illogical my reasoning may be.
Anyway, I'm really blabbering on. I haven't even gotten to the point yet! That happens when I get anxious, bear with me. Actually, I'm going to start a new entry, hopefully my thoughts will be a little clearer.
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: The Smiths/Hatful of Hollow/How Soon is Now?
Drinking:
Wearing: