She will be loved
Wednesday, Apr. 28, 2004
He said he loves me!
The good news? I've got a crush to obsess about. Nothing on the level of Luka obsession, but you know, someone to occupy the lull moments in my mind.The bad news? It's Sean. Fucking Sean.
Reminders of my history of Sean:
wasting time
protecting myself
Sean
prick
doesn't he know he's distracting me from listening to his phone conversation?
So he was at the bar on Friday, of course cuz if it's happy hour, Sean is there. Not because he's so happy, but because he's a lush. We talked about work a bit, current problems and issues, but mainly we were both trying to console our friend, Les, who was upset about another coworker. He only brought Luka's name up once, just to give me shit about him.
Sean, Les, and I were the last ones there of our group. After we left the bar, we talked in the parking lot for a little while. Then the awkwardness, how to say goodbye. A hug? A touch on the arm? I was kinda standoffish, I kept my arms crossed for most of the conversation, I was very self-consciously aware of my body language. But then I decided to go for the hug. I made the move! Me, the most intimacy phobic person in the world! I shocked myself.
But not as shocked as I was by what happened next. Do you know what he said? He told me he loved me! And it wasn't the drunken "I love you man" type of thing, I believe he was sincere. I had to say it back, didn't I? So I did.
It wasn't romantic or anything, I'm not so foolish to read THAT much into it. But my relationship with that guy is so crazy. 80% of the time I'm sure he hates me. The rest of the time, I feel he begrudgingly respects me. I've always felt that there was this intensity between us, that whether we liked each other or hated each other, the feeling was strong and mutual.
"I love you [Shoop]"???? Where did that come from???? What possessed him to say it? And he's been really nice to me since then. Oy!
I think it was just because we have a history together. Maybe we've only known each for a year and a half, but we've been through a lot of ups and downs. As much as I feel I disgust him (not physically, but I've always felt that he felt my personality and intelligence were deplorable - I've always felt he was super judgemental), I guess I've been reading him wrong, he must at least respect me on some level.
I could go on and on, but I need to get some cleaning done now. Gotta get the guy off my mind.
Sigh.
(crushes are so nice :D )
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: Fox news
Drinking: twist
Wearing: white tee, khakis, blue suede shoes