She will be loved
Saturday, Aug. 27, 2005
Friends
He's my friend. I shouldn't be jealous that he's out late tonight. It shouldn't bother me so much that he's probably on a date, but it does. I'd asked him if he'd had any success with the online personal thing, he said that he had met a few girls but that nothing had really worked out, although he is still talking to a few of them. I shouldn't worry that tonight he's with someone who will be the love of his life. I should just focus on establishing a friendship with him.We have plans tomorrow, but not a date. He's using me for my car, basically. He needs to get something at Ikea and it's too big for his car. Because my car is bigger, he asked if I wouldn't mind going with him so that he could pick it up. Ikea is an hour away, hell no I don't mind! We've been emailing all week and have a lot in common, so this will be a great opportunity to see how well we get along face to face. He'll have a chance to see how funny I am, and hopefully he'll appreciate my sense of humor. Instead of worrying about my appearance tomorrow, I need to just relax and focus on being comfortable around him. He doesn't need to know that I've been obsessed with him for so long.
I just wish that he was home tonight. Maybe it's not a date, maybe he's just out with friends. And tomorrow he'll be out with me. I'm doing him a favor (although I did tell him that there were a few things I could use from Ikea - I didn't want him to think that I'd jump at the chance to spend time with him), so he'll owe me one.
A shopping trip should lead to better things. If we get along well, he'll hopefully want to spend more time with me. We can hang out, his apartment or mine, or go out somewhere. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship. And friendships can lead to...
I used to love that I could sit on my balcony and know whether he was home by whether his bedroom light was on, that I could see when he came and went. Tonight I hate it. I want him to be home, looking forward to a chance to get to me better. Not probably out with some bitch, focusing on getting to know her better.
I hope he's not just using me for my car. I guess I'll get a better feel for that tomorrow.
I need to pick out a good selection of CDs tonight. I'll hand them to him and tell him that he gets to be the DJ. I'll see if he likes my taste in music. I'll see if I like his taste in cheap Scandanavian furniture.
I need to relax.
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: my dryer
Drinking: water with raspberry ice crystal light
Wearing: purple mesh shorts and gray tee