She will be loved
Tuesday, Aug. 16, 2005
the awkward sweaty date
So I had a date. Even typing that doesn't seem right.We met at a bar on Saturday night. He was very cute, much cuter than his pictures in his personal. He started to put out his hand for a handshake, but I gave him a hug. The date was pretty uncomfortable, it felt like an extremely important interview (except with alcohol and cigarettes). The bar was too warm and once I started sweating I couldn't stop. By the end of the date, my hair was so soaked with sweat it was like I just got out of the shower. He gave me a hug at the end of the date and I felt so sweaty that I apologized for it.
There didn't seem to be too much chemistry between us, we really didn't have much in common so it was awkward (plus all the damn sweat). He was too normal, normal people scare me. I found him attractive, but I couldn't read how he felt about me. He didn't try to kiss me, but who would with all that sweat. He said we should hang out again but I doubted that he would want to.
But we talked tonight on AIM and he said he'd like to do something again (I couldn't believe it, he must've said yes to be nice or because he felt obligated). This weekend, we're going to see The 40-Year Old Virgin, either Saturday or Sunday night. I suggested the movie because before the first date he asked if I dated much and fudged the truth and said not since college (my therapist told me to say that when I asked what I should say if a guy ever asked me that question - I'd feel like a loser if I said I'd never dated). He said we both must be late bloomers (I know he's dated, so I'm not sure exactly what he meant by that - he was too cute to be that late of a bloomer). So I suggested that movie for the late bloomer aspect. I wonder if I'll reveal to him how close I am to that title.
I have no idea what to expect of the second date. He might not even consider it to be a date, just hanging out, who knows? But I think it's a date. Can you make it through a second date without at least a good night kiss? Shit, I don't know what I'll do if that happens. Well, I'll kiss back of course, but it would be so weird. Other than the one awkward kiss when I was 13 or 14, I've never kissed anyone before. I don't know what to do, especially a french kiss. Talk about awkward. In another diary I read, which I won't point out to respect her privacy, the writer also had never had a real kiss until a late age, and she'd said she was surprised how quickly the ability came to her. I hope I'll be able to say the same thing. I get shivers just thinking about it. Although it will be a hell of a lot worse if it doesn't happen.
I can't believe I made it to a second date!
I see my therapist on Thursday, I'm sure we won't talk about anything else. He'll be proud of me, I think. He's been trying to get me ready for dating for so long, to get over my fears and just get out there. Even if there's rejection, it'll still be good for me, because I'll need to learn to deal with rejection.
Even if there is rejection, I better at least get a kiss, I need to get that experience out of the way. Augh!
Dating is scary!
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: mtv hits - some hillary duff song
Drinking: diet cherry coke
Wearing: orange pajama bottoms & white tee