She will be loved
Saturday, Feb. 26, 2005
Conflicting thoughts
Now this one was actually written today:I�m at work right now. I have 47 more minutes to kill while a database I�m working on FTP onto the internet. I must say that I�m a wee bit frustrated that it�s taking this long. It started out with about an hour and a half wait, so I went to a nearby grocery store and did some shopping, but I guess that didn�t kill too much time.
I just decided to zip the file. Hopefully that will save some time. I�m not sure if my zip program is working at home, though, say I may not be able to unzip. Ugh, I feel like this is all an exercise in futility. This is what I get for trying to bring work home instead of just working on it here. I never seem to get much done at home anyway, with the distraction of the cats constantly meowing and also my beloved FreeCell. I�ll try though. I have a big client project due on Tuesday and I haven�t begun working on it yet, so I�m hoping if I bring the database home I�ll at least be able to get some headway.
I�m still going back and forth on the adderall as weight loss medication. My therapist really didn�t think it was a good idea. I called my psychiatrist and asked how I should go off of it. He called back and left a message saying that it was fine to go off if I wanted to and that if that was my decision to just stop completely, not wean myself off gradually. He said he wanted to know more about what I had read about adderall on the internet, but that this could wait until my appointment with him next month. I got the sense from his message that he still thought the drug would be a positive thing for me, although he didn�t say that exactly. I left the message for him on Thursday and when I hadn�t heard back by Friday afternoon, I figured he wasn�t going to return my call. Since it didn�t seem like he would call back, I decided that since I had an appointment to see my regular doctor on Wednesday I would just wait and get his opinion on going off the drug. At that point, I had pretty much decided that I didn�t want to take it all. But after the psych called last night, now I�m back to being undecided again.
So I guess I�ll keep taking it until I talk to my regular doc on Wednesday. I have another appointment with my therapist on Tuesday night, so I�ll go over it all with him again. I think I need to really think about this and maybe start writing out all the pros and cons of the medications. I should print stuff off the internet, too. The three doctors will probably have three very different opinions, so I guess my regular doc�s opinion will be the tiebreaker. I have feeling he�ll be against it, but who knows. He may not know much about the medication, so he might be able to provide an informed opinion anyway. That�s why I think I should bring all my research with when I see him.
On the other hand, and this may be another reason not to take it, I joined weight watchers yesterday. They�re having meetings in my office building for 10 weeks, with the possibility of it continuing after that as long as they have 20 people who are still interested. I�m thinking weight watchers will be a very good thing for me. There�s two plans to follow, either points where every food has a point value and you�re only allowed a certain point amount per day or something called their Core Plan where you have a list of healthy foods and as long as you eat off that list you can eat as much as you want. I think points will be the best for me. I think the problem with the way I eat currently is that it is basically like the core plan, all the food I eat is healthy, I just eat too damn much of it.
Yesterday was an informational meeting, our first official meeting and weigh in is next Friday. I�m pretty excited about it. Two of my friends from work are also doing it with me and they�ve both done WW before. They both have had success with it, but then gained all their weight back, plus more, when they went off the plan. My sister, too, had success but then gained all her weight back plus more when stopping. I hope that won�t happen to me. I�m really looking forward to getting started, my hopes are high.
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