She will be loved
Sunday, Mar. 14, 2004
shitty weigh-in
I had to report a gain this morning, I knew that was going to happen. Back up a pound and a half to where I was 2 weeks ago. It pisses me off so much. This way of eating (SBD) is good for me, I know that, it's good for my diabetes and I can happily eat the foods without yearning for something "forbidden." So I haven't cheated at all. I've exercised every single damn day, even if it was only for 10 minutes, 90% of the time it was for 30-50 minutes. Why did I gain? I just don't get it. I could see staying the same weight, which would suck, but would be easier to deal with, but not gaining.Am I trying too hard? Maybe I'm not eating enough calories, so my body thinks it's going into a famine and is holding onto all the fat. Maybe I should use Fitday to just to see about how many calories I'm taking in. But I don't know, I found that site too obsessive and also really difficult because I don't measure my food so I don't know if it's a teaspoon of this or a teaspoon of that, an ounce of this or an ounce of that. Too much calculating! And I'm someone who loves to calculate, I just can't do it when it comes to food. But maybe I'll try it, I'll think about it.
My size 20 jeans don't fit any better this week than they did last week, so I can't say I'm losing inches. (Tape measures are another thing that's offputting to me, there's too many variables when using them, so I'm just going to use tight clothes for the time being).
The only thing that's looking better is my side:
Those two rolls at my back used to sit on top of each other, now they're starting to get a little bit of space between them. I can't wait for that area to be flat, just one smooth line down my side.
This weight loss/body changing shit sucks. I'm not giving up hope, though, I'm not going to break down and order Dominos or anything like that. I'm just frustrated and pissed at my body.
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: occasional cries from Huckie to open the front door so he can go in the hallway
Drinking: twist
Wearing: gray undies and pea green tank