She will be loved
Saturday, Apr. 03, 2004
Thanks Mom, just what I needed, more anxiety about the situation.
Fox pissed me off tonight, no new Wonderfalls or Playing it Straight. Playing it Straight is just mindless fluff, but that kinda stuff can be entertaining after you get into it. I like Wonderfalls because Andy Partridge of XTC, AKA the world's most interesting vocalist, sings the theme song. Gotta love any show like that!So anyways, once I saw that there was no decent prime time tv, I went to sleep, because I'm exciting like that. A call from my mom woke me up. I had to tell her about not getting the promotion. She's pissed and wants me to go in to my boss and start making demands. Tell him that I uprooted due to promises he made and if he's not going to come through with them then I'm going to have to look elsewhere. I don't even want to think about looking for another job right now, the idea is just too painful.
Talking to her added a layer of guilt to my frustrations. Now I have to also feel bad because I can't pay her back as soon as I thought I would. Shit, I hate owing people money. Thanks Mom, just what I needed, more anxiety about the situation.
My mom alternated between ranting about my job and shitty company and ranting about her computer problems because Freecell isn't working correctly. So I guess I should take any guilt she imposed on me with a grain of salt. She's not always in her right mind.
Not sure if I want to exercise tonight. It's pretty late, but I probably will. It's just mind games with myself. I start out thinking I'm not going to do anything, then I think well I should at least do a 10-minute tape, well if I'm going to do 10 minutes I might as well do a mile, if I'm going to spend that much time why not do a more intense workout, etc., etc. That's why it helps me to have so many videos, I can always rationalize myself into a workout.
More compliments today on my appearance, I work with such nice people! I just wish my clothes would start realizing that I've made all these changes. Over 20 pounds lost now and I still have some size 22 pants that are tight. What the fuck?!? I can't believe I haven't gone down a size yet.
Watching/Hearing/Listening to: Conan - the Rock
Drinking: water
Wearing: gray pajama bottoms, gray Nike tee, black socks